{"id":67694,"date":"2026-05-01T00:00:11","date_gmt":"2026-04-30T21:00:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bilimvegelecek.com.tr\/?p=67694"},"modified":"2026-04-30T23:46:52","modified_gmt":"2026-04-30T20:46:52","slug":"kimseye-kendine-bile","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bilimvegelecek.com.tr\/index.php\/2026\/05\/01\/kimseye-kendine-bile","title":{"rendered":"Kimseye, kendine bile\u2026"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u00dc\u00e7\u00fcnc\u00fc tekir \u015fah\u0131s\/ An\u0131l Ceren Altunkanat<\/strong><\/p>\n

G\u00fcne\u015fli bir g\u00fcn. Ama serin. Serin olmal\u0131. Tam sevdi\u011fim gibi, g\u00fcne\u015fli ve serin bir g\u00fcn olmal\u0131. \u00d6yle olsun.<\/p>\n

Annem, babam ve ben. Beyo\u011flu\u2019nda babaannemle bulu\u015faca\u011f\u0131z. Bir parkta. Gezi Park\u0131 olmal\u0131. \u00d6yle olsun.<\/p>\n

Neden babaannemin \u00d6mer Hayyam\u2019daki evinde bulu\u015fmuyoruz? Besbelli birileri birileriyle kap\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015f; ev ziyaretinin yak\u0131nl\u0131\u011f\u0131 geri \u00e7ekilmi\u015f \u2013 belki hi\u00e7 sunulmam\u0131\u015f. Gelinine mi k\u0131zm\u0131\u015f? Annemin elinde zeytinya\u011fl\u0131 yaprak sarmas\u0131 dolu bir tencere. Babama m\u0131 k\u00fcsm\u00fc\u015f? Belki. Anneme sorabilir, onun tan\u0131kl\u0131\u011f\u0131ndan yeni bir \u00f6yk\u00fc ve belki bir a\u00e7\u0131klama edinebilirim ama hay\u0131r. \u00d6\u011frenmeyece\u011fim parkta bulu\u015fmam\u0131z\u0131n alt\u0131nda yatan h\u0131r\u00e7\u0131nl\u0131\u011f\u0131. Babaannemin h\u0131r\u00e7\u0131nl\u0131\u011f\u0131 a\u00e7\u0131klama gerektirmez; bir var olu\u015f ak\u0131nt\u0131s\u0131d\u0131r, uskumru s\u0131rt\u0131 g\u00f6zlerine yak\u0131\u015fand\u0131r. Hakl\u0131l\u0131k ya da haks\u0131zl\u0131k aranmaz\u2026 art\u0131k hi\u00e7 aranmaz.<\/p>\n

\u0130lk torunuyum ben, en \u00e7ok beni sever. S\u00f6ylemesi gerekmez, hediye istemem \u2013 bak\u0131\u015f\u0131ndan bilirim. Bana uzanan ellerinin sab\u0131rs\u0131z heyecan\u0131ndan anlar\u0131m; birici\u011fim ben. Onun yan\u0131nda, o kocaman yeti\u015fkinler d\u00fcnyas\u0131nda, birinin en k\u0131ymetlisiyim (Ya\u015fam\u0131m\u0131n geri kalan\u0131nda bu e\u015fsiz adan\u0131\u015f\u0131, bu biriciklik duygusunu hep arayaca\u011f\u0131m\u0131 bilseydi, buna kar\u015f\u0131n ve bu y\u00fczden beni yine \u00f6yle \u00e7ok severdi, emini.).<\/p>\n

Bana bir balon al\u0131yor. Hay\u0131r, rengini an\u0131msam\u0131yorum. Esasl\u0131 bir balon, u\u00e7anlardan, u\u00e7ar\u0131lardan. Haylaz balon, elimden ka\u00e7\u0131vermesin mi? Bir a\u011fac\u0131n dal\u0131na, ba\u015f\u0131bo\u015flukla \u00f6zg\u00fcrl\u00fck aras\u0131na s\u0131k\u0131\u015f\u0131vermesin mi? Babaannem ka\u00e7aklar\u0131n pe\u015fini \u00f6yle kolayca b\u0131rakacak kad\u0131n de\u011fil. Yaln\u0131z ya\u015f\u0131yor, her sabah inad\u0131yla, inad\u0131ndan -ve kalan bir iki k\u0131r\u0131k umuduyla, umudundan- ba\u015fl\u0131yor g\u00fcne. Sigara i\u00e7iyor fosur fosur; can\u0131na susayan laf etsin sigaras\u0131na. \u0130nat\u00e7\u0131, \u00f6fkeli, \u00e7ok yaln\u0131z. Hemen \u00e7a\u011f\u0131r\u0131yor orac\u0131kta top oynayan delikanl\u0131lar\u0131 (Ha, delikanl\u0131 dediklerim bana o ya\u015fta kocaman erkekler gibi g\u00f6r\u00fcnen oysa olas\u0131l\u0131kla on iki, on \u00fc\u00e7 ya\u015f\u0131nda veletler). \u00c7ocuklar\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kart\u0131yor a\u011faca; balon yine esir, benim utanc\u0131msa kopkoyu. Ve utanc\u0131n zemininde, benlik duygusuyla neredeyse e\u015fzamanl\u0131 filizlenen bir kibir: benim i\u00e7in t\u00fcm bu u\u011fra\u015f, t\u00fcm bu seferberlik. Do\u011frudur, ben birici\u011fim.<\/p>\n

An\u0131 bu kadar. Bir d\u00fc\u015f gibi. Yal\u00e7\u0131n Tosun\u2019un Anne, Baba ve Di\u011fer \u00d6l\u00fcmc\u00fcl \u015eeyler<\/em> kitab\u0131nda yer alan \u201cParkta\u201d adl\u0131 \u00f6yk\u00fcy\u00fc okumamla uyanan bir d\u00fc\u015f. \u00d6yk\u00fc inat\u00e7\u0131 kedisiyle, bitmeyen teziyle, huzursuzluk ve endi\u015feden \u00f6r\u00fcl\u00fc t\u00f6z\u00fcyle gayet \u201cbiz\u201dden birinin parkta -evet, yine Gezi elbette- yan\u0131na sokulan bir kad\u0131nla k\u0131sa sohbeti etraf\u0131nda \u015fekilleniyor. Anlat\u0131c\u0131 kad\u0131nla konu\u015fmaya g\u00f6n\u00fcls\u00fcz: \u201cUnutmak istedi\u011fim her \u015feyi \u00e7a\u011f\u0131racakt\u0131m konu\u015fsayd\u0131m, \u00f6yle duyuyordum\u201d. Ama kad\u0131n davetsiz bir misafirin, bir evde son kez konaklad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 bilen misafirin pervas\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131 i\u00e7inde; \u00e7ok yaln\u0131z. Y\u0131llar \u00f6nce kaybolup gitmi\u015f bir arkada\u015f\u0131n\u0131n an\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 payla\u015f\u0131yor ilk olarak. Bu bir tan\u0131\u015fma konu\u015fmas\u0131 belki de: kay\u0131p arkada\u015f bir gece, ans\u0131z\u0131n beliriyor kap\u0131s\u0131nda. Kad\u0131n \u00e7orba \u0131s\u0131tmak i\u00e7in mutfa\u011fa gidince geldi\u011fi gibi puf, arkada\u015f yok. Yok demi\u015fken, kaybolan ba\u015fka biri mi, kad\u0131n\u0131n ruhundaki \u00f6zg\u00fcrl\u00fck arzusu mu, bilmiyorum. Bir \u00e7orba \u0131s\u0131tmak, bir mutfa\u011f\u0131n s\u0131ca\u011f\u0131na hapsolmak insandan neleri al\u0131p g\u00f6t\u00fcrebilir, kim bilir?<\/p>\n

Kad\u0131n ba\u015fka an\u0131lar\u0131n\u0131 anlatmakta da sak\u0131nca g\u00f6rm\u00fcyor. \u201cAncak bir intihar haberine konu olabilecek kadar mutlu bir foto\u011fraf\u201dtan s\u00f6z ediyor; t\u00fcm ya\u015fam\u0131n\u0131n, t\u00fcm ac\u0131s\u0131n\u0131n bir yabanc\u0131n\u0131n g\u00f6zleri \u00f6n\u00fcnde ortaya d\u00f6k\u00fclmesi onu bu ac\u0131dan, bu ya\u015famdan \u00f6zg\u00fcrle\u015ftirecek sanki. Dinleyicisi de bu \u00e7aresizli\u011fin fark\u0131nda ve son derece rahats\u0131z: \u201cBir yabanc\u0131ya t\u00fcm hayat\u0131n\u0131 anlatmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmaktan daha ac\u0131kl\u0131 ba\u015fka bir \u015fey gelmiyordu akl\u0131ma.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ve sonra birden, uyar\u0131 at\u0131\u015f\u0131 bile yap\u0131lmadan anlat\u0131c\u0131 bize bunun bir \u00f6yk\u00fc de\u011fil, ger\u00e7e\u011fin ta kendisi oldu\u011funu an\u0131msat\u0131yor: \u201cKimseye, kendine bile t\u00fcm hayat\u0131n\u0131 anlatmamal\u0131 insan. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc bu k\u00f6t\u00fcl\u00fc\u011f\u00fc kimse hak etmiyor.\u201d \u0130\u015fte, bu c\u00fcmleyi okuyunca, tam o anda, neredeyse sonuna varm\u0131\u015f \u00f6yk\u00fc de\u011fi\u015fiyor; yeniden okunacak, yeni bir metin beliriyor.<\/p>\n

Yal\u00e7\u0131n Tosun\u2019un etkileyici yan\u0131 bu: sat\u0131rlar\u0131 insan\u0131n i\u00e7 sesi denli ger\u00e7ek, i\u00e7 sesi denli de\u011fi\u015fken; \u00f6yk\u00fclerinde ya\u015fama uzan\u0131yor insan, ger\u00e7ekli\u011fin sat\u0131r sat\u0131r, kerelerce \u00f6r\u00fclebilece\u011fini yeniden anl\u0131yor. A\u011f\u0131rl\u0131\u011f\u0131 yok s\u00f6zc\u00fcklerinin, h\u00fczn\u00fc yap\u0131\u015fm\u0131yor; \u00f6yk\u00fcn\u00fcn yery\u00fcz\u00fcnde kaplayaca\u011f\u0131 yeri okurun belirlemesine izin veriyor. Peruk Gibi H\u00fcz\u00fcnl\u00fc<\/em>\u2019de de Dokunma Dersleri<\/em>\u2019nde de bu kendine has yo\u011fun \u201ca\u011f\u0131rl\u0131ks\u0131zl\u0131k\u201d ve do\u011fall\u0131kla, s\u00f6zc\u00fcklerin kendili\u011finden d\u00f6k\u00fcl\u00fc\u015f\u00fcyle i\u00e7 i\u00e7e ge\u00e7mi\u015f g\u00fcven var. Peruk Gibi H\u00fcz\u00fcnl\u00fc<\/em>\u2019de teknik a\u00e7\u0131dan bir aray\u0131\u015f var gibi \u2013 ne yalan s\u00f6yleyeyim, beni bir par\u00e7a rahats\u0131z eden, hatta korkutan bir aray\u0131\u015f. Ama Dokunma Dersleri<\/em>\u2019nde yazar\u0131n anlat\u0131m\u0131 daha da sa\u011flamla\u015fm\u0131\u015f, yine o yal\u0131n ve sakin havas\u0131na b\u00fcr\u00fcnm\u00fc\u015f. \u201cMuzaffer ve Muz\u201d, \u201cBeyaz Sabun\u201d ve \u201cBaz\u0131 K\u00f6fteler\u201d; \u201cDamdaki\u201d, \u201cBir Kocan\u0131n Gizli Defterinden\u201d ve \u201cFirari Parma\u011f\u0131n Ucu\u201d\u2026 Ve k\u0131r\u0131lgan inceliklerin ayak sesiyle yakla\u015fan ba\u015fka \u00f6yk\u00fcler, ba\u015fka sars\u0131nt\u0131lar. Hep yeniden okunacak, yeniden yaz\u0131lacak\u2026<\/p>\n

Her sayfas\u0131 esin dolu bir ay dilerim.<\/p>\n

NOT: Yaz\u0131 ilk olarak 2013 y\u0131l\u0131nda, Edebiyat Haber<\/em>\u2019de yay\u0131mlanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131r.<\/p>\n

–Yal\u00e7\u0131n Tosun, Anne, Baba ve Di\u011fer \u00d6l\u00fcmc\u00fcl \u015eeyler, YKY, 88 s.<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u00dc\u00e7\u00fcnc\u00fc tekir \u015fah\u0131s\/ An\u0131l Ceren Altunkanat G\u00fcne\u015fli bir g\u00fcn. Ama serin. Serin olmal\u0131. Tam sevdi\u011fim gibi, g\u00fcne\u015fli ve serin bir g\u00fcn olmal\u0131. \u00d6yle olsun. Annem, babam ve ben. Beyo\u011flu\u2019nda babaannemle bulu\u015faca\u011f\u0131z. Bir parkta. Gezi Park\u0131 olmal\u0131. \u00d6yle olsun. Neden babaannemin \u00d6mer Hayyam\u2019daki evinde bulu\u015fmuyoruz? Besbelli birileri birileriyle kap\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015f; ev ziyaretinin yak\u0131nl\u0131\u011f\u0131 geri \u00e7ekilmi\u015f \u2013 belki […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":632,"featured_media":67695,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[10510,38,513,510,7178],"tags":[7222,1783,10521,7296,10520],"class_list":["post-67694","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-265-sayi","category-dergi-sayilari","category-kitapcil","category-surekli-bolumler","category-ucuncu-tekir-sahis","tag-anil-ceren-altunkanat","tag-anne","tag-baba-ve-diger-olumcul-seyler","tag-ucuncu-tekir-sahis","tag-yalcin-tosun"],"acf":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t